A True Parable - Peggy
Hated by her 15yr old son

Peggy told me about her 15 yr old son. How he chafed at every gesture of nurture, ignored every type of encouragement, hated every gift she gave him. Otherwise he would manipu­late her to get what he liked and then begrudge her any gratitude at all.

He defiantly resisted every at­tempt at ad­monishment or correc­tion. If forced to be with her in public he used every opportunity to reject her, shame her, disgrace her, hurt her, and humiliate her. He lived a life of total dis­dain and con­tempt for the mother who des­per­ately tried to love him.

He had even van­dalized churches in retaliation for her trying to force him to be part of children and youth programs there. Peggy now went to church alone and would return home in ter­ror of what she might find her son had done.

As she shared about his attitudes and bad habits, Peggy said she be­lieved he had even hated her from the moment her came from her womb. He rejected her breast when she'd try to nurse him, and ignored her attention while she cared for him. Even when upset he re­fused to be comforted by her.

As a small toddler and child he turned away from things she tried to give him or took them without any acknowledgment of her presence. He never wanted to be with her or to be associated with her, and often chose to be with every other rela­tive, and neighbors instead of her. And, even when very young he would take every opportunity in public to humiliate her.

She was a very religious woman from a Pentecostal background. She was very ashamed to have raised the child from hell that her son seemed to be. It was humiliating for her to even talk about this. She wanted to know why god had not answered her thou­sands of prayers for her son to be saved, and delivered from the evil within him.

She didn't volunteer it so I had to ask about the situation in her life at the time she got pregnant. She had been just 17yrs old, when she met her son's father, and she was trying to escape from a very bad family situa­tion.

Her father was not much better than the town drunk and the town bully all rolled into one. He was handsome but he was al­coholic, loud, violent and vulgar. His father had been a minister in a legalistic church, and a cruel task-master at home. He had despised his father's hypocrisy, and the people at church who bought it. Her father did not ever give his own life to Jesus, and relished in rebelling against his father and causing him trouble for the abusiveness that he and his mom and siblings had suffered at home for the sake of the call on his life.

Now, he often used God's name in vain. Like his father who he had judged, he was verbally and physically abusive to his wife, and it just kept getting worse. She wanted to go to church once they married and he wanted nothing to do with church.

He was demanding of her to wait on him like a slave and to satisfy him sexually no matter how mean he had been.

Her Mother was a fearful, gentle, quiet, discrete and very religious woman. She went to church faith­fully, but kept quiet about the dis­grace that she was experiencing at home.

Peggy's Mom was so "discrete or guarded" because she had been raised ex­tremely poor in the coun­try, with a drunken father and hellion brothers. Peggy believed strongly that her mom had been fre­quently molested at home by her brothers and other boys.

Peggy's mom went to church on her own with another family but very quietly, because her brothers and perhaps her father had probably threatened her if she exposed any of their family business to anyone. She learned to be very discrete in public, so she could have the freedom to seek religion among nice people, in order to appease her guilt over her weak compliance with the abuse of her brothers. It felt nice to be there but it didn't change anything at home.

Peggy's mom wanted to escape home and fell to the seduction of this minister's son, who was not even a Christian. He probably date raped her and she got pregnant. Physi­cally violated, illegitimately preg­nant, too afraid of her father to tell him, too afraid to shame and hurt her mother, and knowing she could not tell anyone at church, she gave her very beautiful self to this man who was an unbe­liever and far more vulgar than she imagined at the time they married.

Being pregnant left her no options. She was too ashamed to carry a baby without a husband. The boy liked her, especially sex with her, and he was willing to marry her, and he was a minister's son. She vowed to God that she would make the marriage work no matter what, if he would just forgive her for what she had done.

Peggy was the child in her womb, who got born to the awful marriage she'd de­scribed to me. In that marriage her mom was treated the same by her vulgar and violent husband, as she had been with her father and her brothers. She remained compliant and pas­sive, subservient and very silent.

Peggy had feared her father from earliest infancy, and avoided him . She'd watch him with fear and contempt, pitying her mother for being trapped with such a cruel and unloving man.

Her father knew she hated him but could not be bothered to try to win her over. When he'd catch her looking at him, he'd just look at her at stomp his foot and send her running away to find her mom to hide behind. She'd cling to her mom for what little protection there was.

Mom was religious, and she took Peggy to church with her, but she had a form of godli­ness with no real power, at least not the power of 1 Peter 3 that says a godly woman with a quiet and gentle spirit and godly life can win her husband over without a word.

Perhaps that's what Peggy's mom was trying to do, but it never worked. Peggy learned that the church is a place where hurting people go and get no real help. Mom even punished Peggy when Peggy com­plained to some­one at church about how bad Dad was, in Mom's hearing. Mom had told they would never be able to go back to that church if Peggy spoke of such things again. Mom was probably wrong, but Peggy was convinced and would never speak of her problems at home with anyone else ever again, especially at church.

When Peggy was 17, and very beautiful, she had no relationship with her father and not much of one with her mom. She couldn't wait to leave home though she feared for her mom.

She met a handsome older boy who se­duced her over time and eventually date raped her. She couldn't tell her dad because he was too violent and might kill the boy she still liked. She couldn't tell her mom because mom would be hurt and disgraced even further. She had to keep quiet.

The boy came around more and to keep him quiet she yielded sex to him repeat­edly. When she finally got pregnant, the boy abandoned her. He threatened her to never tell anyone that he was the father, or else.

At first she wished for a miscarriage and tried many times to induce one. Then she considered abortion but could never get the money that she needed. Then she began to wish that she was dead, all because of the baby that was grow­ing in her womb. She feared her fa­ther, feared disgracing her mother, hated the selfish man who got her pregnant, and saw the baby in her womb as his evil seed.

The baby was sowed of bad seed and now soaking in her mur­derous rejection of him.

I helped Peggy to see the truth of sow­ing and reaping in her family, probably back further than we could imagine; both the obvi­ously wicked sins, as well as the mis­guided, traditional and weakly relig­ious beliefs and practices her ances­try had sown into her.

Because Galatians says, "Be not deceived, God is not mocked, what­soever a man sows so also shall he reap,"

We carefully looked at the men who had sowed such evil. But, also look at the mothers and daughters who had a form of godliness with no power to free their fathers, hus­bands and sons from evil.

Because "the sins of the fathers are passed unto the third and fourth genera­tions."

I led her in acknowledging and forgiv­ing her ancestors for ; ungodly men, and une­qually yoked marriages; for incest, and for rape; for ungodly fathers and brothers; for il­legitimate pregnancies; for violent and vulgar men and captive relig­ious women without any power; for mercilessness, threats and vio­lence; and for fearful and selfish discretion and secrecy that was used to hide abuse and shame.

Because "Everything begets after its own kind," and "what is sowed is surely and un­fairly reaped,"

We forgave her parents for what they sowed into her ; of their own carnal and un­sanctified selves; the obvious wickedness and for the fearful self-righteousness and pow­er­lessness; and the pattern of division and hos­tility in marriage and relationships.

Because "the curse of illegiti­macy is so powerful and carried upon the family for ten genera­tions, preventing children from be­coming who they need to be among God's people, especially when they walk in their flesh" (paraphrase)

We forgave them her illegiti­mate concep­tion and shameful nine months in her captive mother's womb, like Israel ashamed in its captivity when Jesus came.

Because "if we d/h it will not go well with us,...... and if we judge we shall be judged, .......and if we hate we shall be hated. "

We forgave Dad for causing her to d/h him, judge him, and punish him by hateful and contemptuous thoughts, and by wishing him gone, so that she would reap a man leav­ing her and a son that wished her gone.

Because many people "have a form of godliness with no real power," and "truly sanctified women should be able to win their husbands over without a word,"

teaching her that such abuse is a godly woman's lot in life with no remedy or end in sight.

Because we are to be "lively stones fit jointly together,........ con­fessing our faults one to an­other,........ and praying in agree­ment for what needs to change"

We forgave Peggy's mom for hiding from her parents, the church as a child, and the church as an adult, and for warning Peggy to never talk of such things in Church because it was not appropriate nor discrete; and for showing her that a religious life had no power.

Because "when one suffers among us we all suffer," and "we are to bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ."

We forgave the church that didn't know or didn't care or didn't think it could do anything about whatever they might have discerned or observed of any of Peggy's ancestors.

Because "we are all called to share in the sufferings of Christ and to become con­formed to the image of His death in order to attain to the power of the resurrection," Peggy forgave her ancestors and forefa­thers who subjected wives and children to what was nothing less awful than what Israel often suffered under the cruel bondage of Egypt, Assyria, and finally Rome during Je­sus' day, when He walked among wicked and violent men, and religious hypocrites.

And, by faith we crucified the child who might as well have lived in Israel under domi­nation of a cruel and perverse foreign nation, and whose life as a child and young woman was destroyed by the same kind of people who nailed Jesus to the Cross.

Because we too have "walked in the ways of ungodly parents (forefathers)"

We forgave Peggy for sneaking out of the house to have an affair at 17, and then for giving herself re­peatedly to a rapist, the way her mother had, and the way Israel constantly gave herself to idols, and even clamored for Barrabbas in­stead of Jesus the day he died.

Because she and this man laid together and "became one flesh,"

We forgave him for what he was, what he did to her, what he re­fused to do, what he sowed into her womb in her son, and what he caused her to feel when he threat­ened her and forced her to carry his son in shame.

Because "even our righteousness is as filthy rags, " and because are commanded to "walk in the light and not in the darkness so that the blood of Jesus cleanses us and we have fellowship with one another."

We forgave Peggy for the se­cretive and violent remedies that she thought of to protect her mother, and to spare herself re­proach, while she was first preg­nant. We forgave her the desire to miscarry or abort her child, as being just as selfish as the lust the Phari­sees and priests had to get rid of Je­sus in order to get rid of their own humiliation.

Because " an offended brother is harder to win than a fortified city,"

We forgave her for suddenly loving the baby boy she gave birth because he was so cute and helpless, even though he knew she had wanted him dead and gone for the whole nine months in her womb. We forgave her that she had been unfaithful and unloving to him in the highest order and then did not really repent of what she had sowed into him in the womb.

Because we are called to "overcome evil with good, and to love our enemies,"

We forgave her for calling his father evil, and him evil seed in her womb deserving only of death, at the hands of the weakly religious.

Because "any other oath than Yes and No is sin and of the evil one."

We forgave Peggy for all the foolish vows that she would never live a life like her mother did, under such oppressive abuse, and there­fore she reaped it through her son.

Because "a man who will not discipline his child hates his child," and therefore actually sows "hatred" instead of true love,

We then forgave her for her fearful, weak and even self-right­eous efforts to discipline him ever so gently for fear that she might ever cause him to fell about her as she had felt about her dad growing up.

Because "We are to share in Christ's sufferings, and make up for afflictions lacking in Him,

That day by faith, Peggy saw how she had shared in Christ's suf­ferings by merely being born and raised in that family. She saw that Jesus had come exactly when and how he came so that He could shared intimately in all of Peggy's sufferings.

Because "the sins of the fathers, and her own sin was sowed into her son."

She forgave her son for only doing what his fathers had done, and even what she had done to her own father because he provoked her to fear and exasperation.

Because "greater love hath no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friend," That day Peggy "became conformed to the image of Jesus death, and "laid down her life " for Jesus, herself and her son.

Because Jesus also said "if I go one greater than me will come, the Counselor, who will convict the world of guilt because of sin, righteousness and judgment,"

When Peggy prayed to love her son by laying down her life via the Cross rather than only by her former weak efforts to win her son's affec­tion, she trusted in faith that the Holy Spirit would move upon her son, and being him to repentance.

Because the apostle Paul wrote that "we (the apostles) are always being given over to death so that Jesus' life will be formed in our mortal bodies, and therefore death is at work in us so that life will be at work in you,"

Peggy's obedient death trans­formed her own life and freed her­self to walk more fully in the life of Jesus within her, instead of the life of her mother(s) before her. She immedi­ately experienced peace and faith that things were going to change very quickly. but also greater strength if the change tar­ried. She was ready to discipline her son more faithfully if it was needed. And, it was needed for just a few occasions when she found herself able to stand up to her son in a way she never had before.

And, because "Jesus tore down the dividing wall of hostility b/t Jew and Greek and slave and free by his own death on that tree."

Within two months Peggy's son had done a complete about face. He very quickly began to draw from her the love he had refused for years. He became her helper at home, and her protector in public. He honored her wishes and became a different boy at school changing in a way that all of his teachers were amazed at. He was her joy at church, as this former hellion began to attend church and walk will­ingly in fellowship with other Christian teens.

All this also quickly allowed to shift her focus from fearfully dwelling entirely upon her son to being able to minister to other women in the church who were living in disappointing and even abusive situations.

Peggy got to the place that Paul talks about in Phil 3:10 that none of her an­cestors had gotten to perhaps for several generations, if ever. She saw the sharing in His sufferings, got conformed to the pat­tern of His death, and secured the promise of resurrection life. She got transformation in her own life and transformation in her son's life.

Peggy did what we all need to consider doing, and two helpful scriptures to help us besides the ones I've quoted or paraphrased are Romans 8:19-20 (frustrates) and Romans 12:1-2 (delights)

In 1 Peter 2 we are told what Je­sus did when he suffered "When they humiliated him, He didn't ...." Then we are called to emulate Him in His sufferings. In The first group invited or commanded to emulate the suffer­ing and dying Lord is addressed in 1 Peter 3:1 "Wives, in the same way..." And then in v. 3:7 "In the same way hus­bands."